Coniston Old Man

2634ft. Jenny’s grandad, Bill, died ten days earlier. The funeral was a washout. He didn’t want a fuss and didn’t get one. He’d asked Jenny if she would scatter his ashes from the top of Coniston Old Man, a mountain he climbed over and over throughout the years; not out of favouritism, but convenience. TheContinue reading “Coniston Old Man”

Pike ‘O Blisco

2312ft. I was admiring the framed ‘Alien’ poster on some geezer’s living room wall. The place screamed bachelor pad. He had an excessive number of guitars and a DVD collection that didn’t do a lot for me. He kept the place tidy, which is more than you can say for the majority of the housesContinue reading “Pike ‘O Blisco”

Dodgson Wood

I stood in line at the petrol station trying in vain to release my wallet from the right pocket of my slim fit trousers using only my left hand, out of fear my right was covered in covid-19 after using the petrol pump. Not being able to pull off this feat by the time IContinue reading “Dodgson Wood”

The Langdales via Stickle Tarn.

Harrison Stickle – 2415ft. Pike ‘o Stickle – 2323ft. It was the last house of the day, halfway through my trial week as an estate agent photographer. I already knew I wouldn’t last. The hours were longer than originally stated, there was no pay for overtime, despite inevitable overtime most evenings and the distances coveredContinue reading “The Langdales via Stickle Tarn.”

Helm Crag aka The Lion and the Lamb aka The 90’s Joe Pesci of Mountains. (The last one I made up).

Alt: 1299 ft. The text came through at 6:15 on the Friday evening, ‘Jack, please call me when you can. Cheers, John.’ I was staring up at Helm Crag aka ‘The Lion and the Lamb’ from the village of Grasmere walking back to my car after paying more than I like for a couple ofContinue reading “Helm Crag aka The Lion and the Lamb aka The 90’s Joe Pesci of Mountains. (The last one I made up).”

Latterbarrow

I looked out the skylight of my bedroom. The leaves on the grand oaks were yet to begin turning but wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer. A blue hue rose from out the ground in the field opposite, suggesting Hell had in fact frozen over. I sighed. Thirty-six and back home livingContinue reading “Latterbarrow”