Whinlatter Forest

‘Underhill! Can you not read full sentences?’ ‘I can sir.’ ‘Then why is it you’ve just missed a chunk of that sentence out?’ ‘I don’t know sir.’ ‘Don’t know? Maybe you have selective reading? Is that it?’ ‘No sir.’ ‘Can you see the words in brackets?’ ‘Yes sir.’ ‘Then I repeat, why did you notContinue reading “Whinlatter Forest”

Fell Foot

Despite being told not to have any decorations up until the photographer had been, the proprietor of this two-up two-down in Morecambe looked like she’d let Santa come all over her walls. ‘We need a little cheer this year. I know I was told to leave the house bare but…you know…the kids.’ Explained the motherContinue reading “Fell Foot”

Haystacks

1958ft. An apocalyptic orange dawn seeped through the rungs of the curtains that hadn’t been attached to the rail. I automatically thought ‘Bladerunner’. Too many movies, that’s my problem. Or so I’m told. My eyes followed the sound of a grunt, stopping at the root cause; Percy, Faye’s pug. He was sat on top ofContinue reading “Haystacks”

Coniston Old Man

2634ft. Jenny’s grandad, Bill, died ten days earlier. The funeral was a washout. He didn’t want a fuss and didn’t get one. He’d asked Jenny if she would scatter his ashes from the top of Coniston Old Man, a mountain he climbed over and over throughout the years; not out of favouritism, but convenience. TheContinue reading “Coniston Old Man”

Dodgson Wood

I stood in line at the petrol station trying in vain to release my wallet from the right pocket of my slim fit trousers using only my left hand, out of fear my right was covered in covid-19 after using the petrol pump. Not being able to pull off this feat by the time IContinue reading “Dodgson Wood”

The Langdales via Stickle Tarn.

Harrison Stickle – 2415ft. Pike ‘o Stickle – 2323ft. It was the last house of the day, halfway through my trial week as an estate agent photographer. I already knew I wouldn’t last. The hours were longer than originally stated, there was no pay for overtime, despite inevitable overtime most evenings and the distances coveredContinue reading “The Langdales via Stickle Tarn.”

Helm Crag aka The Lion and the Lamb aka The 90’s Joe Pesci of Mountains. (The last one I made up).

Alt: 1299 ft. The text came through at 6:15 on the Friday evening, ‘Jack, please call me when you can. Cheers, John.’ I was staring up at Helm Crag aka ‘The Lion and the Lamb’ from the village of Grasmere walking back to my car after paying more than I like for a couple ofContinue reading “Helm Crag aka The Lion and the Lamb aka The 90’s Joe Pesci of Mountains. (The last one I made up).”