Thirlmere

It was Sunday. Cracks were appearing on the mountains; they could do with a second coat. The forecast predicted snow again later next week, but it felt warmer. Grey stretched above. Miles and miles of one unsexy shade of grey. It no longer felt like winter, nor did it feel like the beginning of spring.Continue reading “Thirlmere”

Whinlatter Forest

‘Underhill! Can you not read full sentences?’ ‘I can sir.’ ‘Then why is it you’ve just missed a chunk of that sentence out?’ ‘I don’t know sir.’ ‘Don’t know? Maybe you have selective reading? Is that it?’ ‘No sir.’ ‘Can you see the words in brackets?’ ‘Yes sir.’ ‘Then I repeat, why did you notContinue reading “Whinlatter Forest”

Fell Foot

Despite being told not to have any decorations up until the photographer had been, the proprietor of this two-up two-down in Morecambe looked like she’d let Santa come all over her walls. ‘We need a little cheer this year. I know I was told to leave the house bare but…you know…the kids.’ Explained the motherContinue reading “Fell Foot”

Dollywaggon Pike

2815ft. Bobby finally made the jump from the big smoke to back home. Eighteen years away. He’d been full of the joys of spring leading up to the move but fell flat once he’d landed. I told him he’d be alright. It’d just take a few days. Turns out I was right; well maybe itContinue reading “Dollywaggon Pike”

Haystacks

1958ft. An apocalyptic orange dawn seeped through the rungs of the curtains that hadn’t been attached to the rail. I automatically thought ‘Bladerunner’. Too many movies, that’s my problem. Or so I’m told. My eyes followed the sound of a grunt, stopping at the root cause; Percy, Faye’s pug. He was sat on top ofContinue reading “Haystacks”

Pike ‘O Blisco

2312ft. I was admiring the framed ‘Alien’ poster on some geezer’s living room wall. The place screamed bachelor pad. He had an excessive number of guitars and a DVD collection that didn’t do a lot for me. He kept the place tidy, which is more than you can say for the majority of the housesContinue reading “Pike ‘O Blisco”

The Langdales via Stickle Tarn.

Harrison Stickle – 2415ft. Pike ‘o Stickle – 2323ft. It was the last house of the day, halfway through my trial week as an estate agent photographer. I already knew I wouldn’t last. The hours were longer than originally stated, there was no pay for overtime, despite inevitable overtime most evenings and the distances coveredContinue reading “The Langdales via Stickle Tarn.”

Helm Crag aka The Lion and the Lamb aka The 90’s Joe Pesci of Mountains. (The last one I made up).

Alt: 1299 ft. The text came through at 6:15 on the Friday evening, ‘Jack, please call me when you can. Cheers, John.’ I was staring up at Helm Crag aka ‘The Lion and the Lamb’ from the village of Grasmere walking back to my car after paying more than I like for a couple ofContinue reading “Helm Crag aka The Lion and the Lamb aka The 90’s Joe Pesci of Mountains. (The last one I made up).”

Latterbarrow

I looked out the skylight of my bedroom. The leaves on the grand oaks were yet to begin turning but wouldn’t be able to hold out for much longer. A blue hue rose from out the ground in the field opposite, suggesting Hell had in fact frozen over. I sighed. Thirty-six and back home livingContinue reading “Latterbarrow”